39 :: 365

I missed the last 2 days of Project 365 simply because I didn't take any pictures. I had many other things on my mind. I went to Houston to chase the girl I'm madly in love with. Call me crazy, call me insane, call me whatever the hell you want. We were together for 6 years before she moved to Houston. Since then, things started to become a little different. I was in here California doing what I needed to do and she was in Houston starting her nursing career. She also met someone else... I wanted things to work and I was willing to do anything. She was the girl I wanted to marry, the one I wanted to raise a family with and spend the rest of my life with. I knew this deep down in the bottom of my heart.

There are things I should have done that I didn't so I understand why she chose to be with someone else. I can't go into any detail about it. These are personal issues that I need to work out on my own. She's with someone else now but I still wanted to see her. I needed to see her. I needed her to know exactly how I felt about her. Yes, I've told her over the phone. But, for me, I would rather have told her face to face. I bought a last-minute roundtrip ticket from Los Angeles to Houston without telling her I would be paying her a visit. I spend the rest of the evening waiting to catch up with her when she got out of work. Sadly, I missed her and just went straight to her house. Surprised to see me, she came out and gave me a hug and I held her close. I missed seeing her smile like that. Seeing her happy made me happy. I could have held onto her forever and for that amount of time we stood there on her driveway holding her and looking straight into her eyes, it all came full circle for me. I realized that the reason why I was there was perfectly legitimate. I wanted her back. I needed her back. As I held her tightly and we looked at each other, I felt like we were together again. She invited me in and we talked. Again, I feel like I cannot go into detail. I respect her privacy.

It was my fault. It's not that she found someone else. I feel as though I let her go by being passive about certain things. I'm glad that she's happy. I'm glad she was able to find someone to love and love her back. But I can't help but feel replaced. I would do anything for this girl. She was my world and I had big plans for our future. It's been a few months now since we separated, but I still love her so much. Now she knows how I feel and how serious I am about getting her back. The one she's with now set the bar quite high, and that's good for me to know so I know what I need to exceed. But I also know that I have to live my life no matter what happens. As much as I want her to be a part of it, ultimately it's her decision.

...

Valerie, I don't know if you'll ever read this, but I love you so much. Thank you for your love and the memories we share. Until the day I die, you will always have a special place in my heart. I don't want to let you go but know that I would take you back in a heartbeat. If you ever come back to me, I swear to you that I will make you happier than when you were before. I want to make you smile again. I want to make you laugh again. I want to hold you close again. I will never stop chasing you...

Love always,
Brian